Pumpkin Oatmeal Breakfast Smoothie

AllPumpkinIn the morning, I prefer to sleep in, then try to get ready for work in a rushed panic. So, that usually means I don’t have time to make a real breakfast. Sorry, I’d rather shower than fucking stink all day but have time making eggs Benedict in the morning.

The easiest thing for me to whip up in the morning is what I like to call “cold oatmeal.” First of all, I don’t particularly like the slimy, chunky texture of hot oatmeal. Second of all, the first reason is good enough for me to not have to eat it. Unfortunately for me, oatmeal happens to be really good for you. Instead I like to make breakfast smoothies with oatmeal in them so I am getting more protein and fiber, and all that shit. Below is my current go-to cold oatmeal recipe. My side notes are in bold. Drink up, bitches!



1 cup sweetened almond milk (I like the coconut/almond blend from Almond Breeze)
1/2 cup dry oats (As I mentioned in my previous post, These cookies, for real dough, BUY THE GENERIC BRAND. They are cheaper and taste exactly the same. Then you’ll have some extra money to spend on your shitty kids or dumbass significant other)
1/2 cup canned pumpkin (If you’re an imbecile  make sure you double check that you are using 100% canned pumpkin and not pumpkin pie filling. These are not the fucking same.)
1/2 cup frozen (or regular) greek yogurt
1/4 cup shredded coconut
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon nutmeg
1 teaspoon ground cloves
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
5 or 6 ice cubes


It’s a smoothie. Are you a dumbass? Put all that shit in a blender and blend it until it’s smooth, then drink it.


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